Monday, December 14, 2009

Aah Fuck It!

I had been under the cloud since couple of weeks. Yesterday, the day started slow. When I got around to fixing a meal in the afternoon, there was no gas supply. This has never happened before. I got anxious and tried calling the gas company, but was not able to get through. Then I registered a complaint on their website and went out for lunch. The first restaurant I went to was crowded and no staff was around to take orders. I waited for five minutes and left. When I went to the second restaurant, it was also crowded, but I sat on a table where one person was already seated. I felt cramped. Because the restaurant was busy, the waiter's service was not very prompt. The food however was good.

On finishing the meal I got up to return home. That is when I reached a tipping point. I was thoroughly fed up and frustrated and I spontaneously decided to Fuck IT and get down to do some work. It felt like I was jolted out of a stupor. I went home and attacked the pile of papers sitting on my desk for a long time. I sorted and filed some of the papers and put the rest in a holding file.

The depressive clouds lifted just like that.

I am reminded of a talk given by Sherwin Nuland on TED. Sherwin Nuland is a practicing surgeon who was afflicted with severe depression. He had undergone Electro Shock Therapy to cure his illness. After having been cured some times he would go through a depressive thought cycle. At such time he learnt to be aware of it and break the pattern by saying "aaah fuck it!" He used these words as a hook to bring him back to reality.

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